You got tired.

I haven’t written for a long time, I lacked inspiration, or maybe that thing that gave it to me is now exhausted. As a friend says: “you break my balls, it’s physiological”.

You get tired of loving people, of trying to find a way, you grow, mature, learn and understand that very often the best thing to do is let go, that many do not want to understand and you are the only asshole banging your head against the wall.

And is it worth it? Suffering like this, or always having doubts about friendships, maybe even talking about them behind your back? Is it worth continuing to think about a person who does not want to have anything to do with us?

There remains only the hope that things will change, but we know well that it always remains in the chaos of things that you cannot take for granted.

And then you get tired, you look at yourself and say that you will always love Stefania, that you hope that one day things will have a different face, but you realize that you are moving forward, that you are thinking about it less and less, that you no longer have the desire to writing all those nice things about her, which is useless.

Maybe I did more damage than the rest with my writing, but I accepted my whole self.

So much so that when I’m wrong I realize it, I recognize it and go on, without thinking too much about what it was like, how it would go.

Without having to think about how to fix it, because if nobody listens to you on the other hand, you realize it.

And it all ends in the fake instagram stories, in which it seems that everyone is having fun, but the more they show themselves, the less happy they are.

It is all fiction, and this awareness brings out a bitter laugh.

And then, today I am also thinking of someone new, it was time, it was time for the heart to start trying something different, it was time for it to heal, even if I still can’t understand what this new me is like.

Every day something happens, there doesn’t even seem to be time to stop… except now.

I wanted to start living, without restraints, feel free, and let myself go to the happiness of life.

Love without thinking about it, experience adventures, and forget what hurts.

I am tired of suffering, I am tired of being in situations that are not good for me, of trying to maintain relationships that demand.

And it is wrong to expect, it is wrong to expect other people to behave as we think, like to expect from the other person, the same kindness we reserve them.

But that’s wrong, isn’t it? I do nice things because I like it, I don’t want to expect anything in return, I do everything because I want to.

And if I’m wrong, I see that it is wrong when only I do it, I hate it when on the other side there is no humility to admit it, I am the only one to do it.

– Ah, you are never wrong?

Of course they do, but they expect you to shut up. That’s where I said it was too much, that there are no situations in which you can be that crush your heart.

And if it all ends up in unspoken things and fake smiles, and they think they make you a fool, well, you know how much the fuck I care in the end?

The thing that troubles us is when we believe or believe we are better than others.

I stopped feeling better, I preferred to feel myself.

And I want to be with those who accept me and love me like this, with all the bad and good, (then it’s subjective, isn’t it?)

Rather than being with whoever will be talking to me behind my back, and talking behind each other, in short, it is not healthy.

I close here, I finish another chapter.

And I’m happy to have understood so many things.


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