Tag: Autobiography

And then… you just stop Caring.

dicembre 13th, 2022

I realize that by now I am a bit tired, I can’t find the desire to go out, to go around. By now the thought of going “for clubs” seems to me a stupid or at least silly thing, and it annoys me.

After all, we are almost forced to go there, for a social issue, because “everyone does it”. In the long run, after years of drinking I may think I did it only to find myself thinking it was never from me.

How I also got tired of committing myself, even of looking for some affection, women, loves.

You get tired of suffering, of getting busy, of searching, of “running after”. Not because you don’t want to, but you know, maybe you no longer have the energy to spend like you used to, or maybe you know that by now you only want to use those for things that are worthwhile.

And after years you know that it makes no sense to go “for clubs”, maybe not here, and not as a person without a job.

The weekend is supposed to be a time to unwind, I think. And instead it is used as the most classic of excuses to get drunk.

After all, I like to drink beer, I really appreciate the taste of some spirits, but in that case there is no need to drink many.

Maybe I’m getting old, or maybe I’ve simply seen, over the years that it’s often useless, to go out to clubs.

I’ve enjoyed myself very few times, and in any case never here in Lamezia, or almost never. Always in Bolo or with the right companies.

Those who are good for the heart, with whom you can get drunk, have fun, people with whom you feel protected, that’s it.

Those with whom you share moments in which you let yourself go, yes, like the theater for me.

I’m realizing, however, as by now I prefer my company to all the others. I’m alone, but I know how to do it very well.

Last night, since I couldn’t sleep because my mother had made the bed (which never happens, now it’s only me), I felt uncomfortable because I hadn’t made it again.

There is something in our minds, in our bodies, paths taken so many times, that we don’t even realize they are so perfect.

It seems that I tidy it up in a simple way, perhaps not entirely “tidy”, but it is the one that imposes my body, the one that knows that when it enters it it will feel good and say “perfect”.

So who cares if it’s seemingly simple, if it SEEMS like it’s done wrong, when in fact it’s the perfect way for me to feel comfortable, warm?

I understand that in no way can anyone know you better than yourself, and I have wanted to know myself for a long time.

We are friends with myself, now, the best.

If you learn to suffice yourself, and advance, you know that you can also stop talking your own business, maybe to those who won’t have so much trouble betraying you,

and if I say things to myself, without letting them “come out” I’ve noticed that the things that worry, annoy, or even small hints of crush, end much faster.

Maybe sometimes it’s the fire that feeds other things or people that is the problem; in my case anger has caused a lot of problems.

But if everything is limited, it ends soon.

And you also get tired of telling someone else how you feel, you get tired of everything, because you know that many things just hurt.

Suffering should only be shared when you can, because I’ve noticed that not many understand it and there are those who sometimes use it to weaken you.

And nothing, you get bored with everything, even touching them.

It seems that little remains, but in reality everything remains.

We are small, but for ourselves we are the universe.

Love each other more, especially those who have trouble doing it, and many women often seem to fall into this trap, of lack of self-esteem.

As I said in a few articles ago: happiness is not wanting.

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We are our disease and our medicine.

settembre 16th, 2022

Now I think it’s time to say things differently, it’s not always easy to rationalize, in the long run, however, you do it, at least that’s what I do.

Because? The reason is quickly explained: I never believe that I am right or wrong in its entirety, I have to learn, I have to understand why some things happen.

For example, I understand that my fixation / obsession with a person was not caused by him in himself, but by something previous.

Before I met the last one, I still had another in mind, in fact, it was almost over. However, the “new” only replaced the previous one, but the truth is that I had not properly treated the previous “disease”.

This is why I again had mechanisms, alas, partly also involuntary, which made me behave in similar ways, without my noticing it, I assumed that since I no longer thought about the person “from before”, I was out of danger .

But I was wrong. Because a disease has to be cured with medicines and I thought it would go away by itself, but sometimes, in that case, you don’t completely solve it.

In this period, I have quite intense otitis, for example. I had turned to two doctors who replaced mine, who thought I only had ear wax, but in reality there was an infection.

And if I hadn’t gone to get a cleaning of the earwax plug, and had continued to take the drops said by the two amateurs, I would have continued to feel bad, the young ENT there caught my infection and told me what to take, and now I’m a little better.

It was one of the worst pains I’ve ever experienced, but you see, if I hadn’t thought about it, I wouldn’t be on the path to healing now.

And before now I had not realized that the treatment was not exactly what I imagined: of course, the best thing to do, and I am deeply convinced, would be to rebuild a relationship, to forgive each other, to make peace, after the arguments, but this I guess it’s secondary to looking inward.

If we are our disease, we can become our cure, our medicine.

So if you realize that you are continuing to think about the same thing, despite the rationalizations, if you realize that you are continuing to give importance to the things that do not deserve them … it is something that starts with you.

And it is part of t and, consequently.

And what’s the cure? Did you think it was finding a way to talk to who you had a fight with? Well, yes, too bad they don’t allow it.

So what? There is nothing left to do but search within, and knowing that you must and can move forward using the lessons learned, you can become a better person.

And I only have one certainty, that now I could really build a relationship with who I have quarreled, as I know it will, most likely, never happen.

But now I have the tools, now I feel like I am becoming more “myself” than ever. And I understand that I am much more rational than I have ever been before, other than she is a “Very rational”. It was easy to think of it in a moment of emotional fragility, but now well, I think I win in the long run.

There is no rationality if people do not think objectively, if they do not analyze, if they exclude you, they get angry and throw you out of their life, without even hearing yours, without giving you the opportunity to defend yourself.

There is no rationality, because, quite simply, there is no reason and obviously, one thing cannot exclude another.

In my opinion, I do not see any rationality, but a different form of bullying, discrediting, in fact, my opinions and thoughts, thinking that they are just bullshit.

Because they disagreed or thought there was no specific “reason” to behave in a way, they not only told me I was badly wrong, but they also discredited my thoughts and feelings, as if they were nothing .

For them, that’s for sure, but well, I see no difference between them and a bunch of bullies who make fun of me, and maybe even kick me afterwards.

Verbal violence, endowed with a brutality equal to the physical one.

And with all the responsibility and awareness of being wrong that I take. huh. But I have already said in numerous other places that I am sorry and I am sorry, I am aware of my mistakes.

In short, I have played the role of the outcast for the umpteenth time in my life, maybe I should stop trying to stop being one and take on this role once and for all.

And well, basically I told myself that there is nothing better than doing things for me, like, in fact, heal myself, forgive … many years ago I hadn’t thought in the slightest about getting better, looking for a cure, now I’m finally doing it doing.

Who knows, if now … then, will it be different? AHAHAHAH … But a little peace is found, I would also like a different reward from the one I found from myself.
Reach the Top.

agosto 21st, 2022

I understood that in life many make mistakes, we are wrong above all in thinking that we depend on someone else or something else to feel good, to be happy.

Many people and myself for a long time, I set the limit, the condition that to be well I had to have things.

But in the end I realized that it is precisely this claim, this limit that destroys our happiness, that limits us, and consequently also prevents us from having what we want.

It seems, it seems paradoxical but it is so, in the end. The more you want a woman, the less you will have her, the more you will think that you have to depend on her love for her, the less well you will feel.

You can’t, you don’t have to depend on someone else to stay healthy. Especially if we are talking about people who, evidently, have not yet learned anything.

You cannot say that you love a person if you have not accepted them. Because you love her only on the basis of how you want her, you want her, but every time you point out her flaws.

This means that you do not love it, that you believe you are doing it only in your dimension, of how you have decided to do it, but you cannot do it, because you are only trying to force things.

The more you try, the further they drift away.

I learned it the hard way, I still think about it, but not so much because I would like to be together, but because my experience with “S **” has taught me a lot, and now I have to thank what happened, just because now I have come to many conclusions, and I can finally find love for myself, my self-esteem, my peace.

My balance.

And all of this was my goal and I never knew it before getting there.

And now I know that all I had to do was to be calmer, now that I am, I could say it would have been easier for me to avoid a lot of trouble.

But now that I look at the old troubles, they don’t even seem that important to me.

I’m looking, indeed, I’m managing to think that the past does not count, it counted in the moment in which you lived, and it does when you understand the lesson it is giving you, but many things are better left there, without shaking them.

If you stop talking about something, people forget faster.

If you do something wrong, apologize at that moment, but the next day, or a few hours later, don’t bring it up, let it stop there.

And so tell us what is for your good, and your evil, stop suffering for useless things, or for those who treat you as you do not deserve.

And let’s go back to before: you understand that you can and must feel good alone, with yourself.

I can feel good going out with friends, as can I do it by staying at home, watching TV / anime series, playing video games, reading or sometimes walking alone.

The ability to know how to be alone is something excellent.

I see that many people are afraid of it, they cannot break away from it, but so they do not realize that they risk losing their identity, they will not be able to develop an idea that is only their own.

I am grateful for being able to, but I must not expect others to do it.

At most, as someone said: “live your life, see your friends”… well, in any case, I’m always here.

And I have reached my personal top, knowing that there will always be a higher place to reach.

Tag: Autobiography

And then… you just stop Caring.

We are our disease and our medicine.

Reach the Top.