It’s been a year…. Complicated.
For some time I have believed that every year that begins has the legacy of the past year.
Started one way and ended up another, totally different and it wasn’t the first time. Maybe I should be happy after all: happy because different things always happen, these “years” end and begin differently.
I could start from the various events: at the beginning of the year I went out with a friend and others who then, by now, have totally disappeared from my life, practically.
And I have no trouble admitting that for many of them I don’t feel sorry and I don’t miss them. I don’t think I bonded in the “right way”, so to speak, although I believe that many of them are certainly good people and it was a pleasure to meet them, but now that I think about it (and not only NOW), I actually noticed how little I had to do with them.
And furthermore, I noticed that that unconditional friendship hadn’t been created, or rather: too much conditioned by factors: a person who was the main one, in the end had started to point out my flaws too much, and in fact, it all worked out slowly roll.
The moment the argument ensued, I took it upon myself, I tried to clarify, but nothing: I noticed how some people prefer the convenient shortcut of taking it out on others, without looking inside themselves, without analyzing themselves, without knowing each other,
I learned that someone might be afraid to do it, so much so that they become extremely false, with masks, they talk, they go out, but they are never themselves, they are the character they have chosen.
And now I realize how wrong I was to be in those situations.
I realized that I have to avoid any toxic situation, that I have to be more detached and “cynical”, having to consider people as “acquaintances” – potential friends – friends – and REAL friends.
I no longer feel like going to Lamezia and clubs, places and situations where I feel bad.
After getting drunk at a friend’s birthday and right now I’m still feeling unhinged, I realize I don’t want to do it anymore, I’m tired: if I go out I really have to do LITTLE without feeling bad.
Of course, it hasn’t happened in a while but even that one time a year is becoming too much.
Or rather, once a month.
It will have to become once a year.
I realized that if you don’t love yourself, even a little bit, you can’t love others, that the people I really love are the ones who made me feel better about myself.
And this has often happened with the people we do theater with.
I especially thank you here.
If I had to tell you the best moment of 2022…
It all seemed like a program: it stuck with me. We go to Ferrara at the end of July, with friends, on the plane I meet Alberto, an ex-roommate. I hadn’t seen him for ten years.
Bizarre, because ten years ago I decided to go to Bologna for the first time, so now it’s been officially ten years that I “stay” in Bologna even if it’s not really like that, but with my head and above all my heart, and the most essential things, Yes.
Then I found out about a live show in Pesaro, where Murubutu, Claver Gold… the Dead Poets were there.
, but above all Moder, an artist to whom I felt so attached, that I feel like him, maybe, I don’t know. But the more time passes, the more I understand them, adults.
By now I’m part of them, it must be said, I didn’t escape into adolescence, I.
It was an adventure, first Pesaro, then Bosconegro in Morciano, a crazy adventure, lived thanks to Matteo.
There I meet Murubutu and Moder who come and sit where I was having my solitary meal, for me it was like seeing rock stars. I get the record signed by Moder and in short, it was a really good time.
I remember that at the first song that plays live, “Viale Roma”, I went to the bathroom, I run away with my belt unfastened to listen to it and film it.
And so the live goes on, fantastic, with everyone: Sace, Wiser keegan, Sgravo, Dj Fastcut… with some of them I have long chats, a beer, friendship…
Thanks also to the guy from Udine who gave me the lift back to Pesaro, where I go back, and I go crazy to find the b & b, and I go for a night dip in the Adriatic, and then I sleep maybe very little, but I get up for get away from there asap and go back to Bolo.
And I thank Ross, I thank Mike, I thank Binju for supporting me, for giving me the opportunity for a week to walk this year, in the city I love, and where I want to return as soon as possible in 2023.
This is my only “good resolution”, the rest doesn’t matter, there’s no need to do it at the beginning of the year, I learned long ago that life is variable, or at least, mine. Everything changes so much, so unexpectedly…
So you never need to do these things, but go ahead with an idea.
Then another good experience always linked to rap, when I went with Giovanni and Adele to listen to Kento, thanks to you too, guys.
if I could have gone alone, if only I had a driving license, but do you want to put sharing?
I didn’t go to sleep, you mean, I enjoyed the peace of the mountains, the heat, the noise, life.
I was finally fine.
And then I was disappointed by the fact of not being able to graduate in the specialist this year, I will have to wait for June, but perhaps they are “signs”? meh.
I’ve decided to stop being “good” or “polite”, I’ve seen that many people don’t deserve it, I decide to ignore people, their desire to feel important, I don’t give a damn about many, and so much about a few.
I went back to doing the lab, we did the show, and it’s weird in this case, isn’t it? More things are shared by doing theater than sitting in a bar for hours, drinking.
There is no need to confide your own affairs, to make yourself known or known to others, I have always done it in my acquaintances, as a kind of “test”, but now…
Now I hardly say anything to anyone about how I really feel, if I happen to have a crush, because unfortunately I have seen how many people can fall into the trap of thinking that there is someone “strong” or “weak”, and that only the first survives, therefore… think as if we were still in the primitive age.
But there is none of it true.
And therefore, people take advantage of weaknesses, better not to expose them, if not to themselves.
In February I had covid, high fever, phlegm, sore throat, etc.
In February “Goodbye, see you tomorrow” was also released. Don Diegoh album in which I felt mirrored,
music, my companion, as always,
that helps me navigate,
in this life.
Musically, a scary year: Don Diegoh, Rancore, Murubutu, Easy One, the great return of Kaos, Clementino, Wiser Keegan, Ernia, Mezzosangue, Wiser Keegan, Claver Gold.
Goodbye, see you tomorrow, 2022.
I should say these things, this title from Don Diegoh’s album, which is a paradox…
And now I realize it’s been a bit of a crazy year, but… it’s given so much.
By now I’ve decided to go out less, and to drink even less, I’m starting to feel the consequences on my body that I didn’t feel before, I want to get better, I want to do my best and…
And also stop seeing people with whom by now I understand that I share little, I close doors, indeed, I open them, I don’t say goodbye but I realize that many things are destined to deteriorate, I am a different person, from culture, from theatre, from reading… not for tamarrate, and also for drinking.
I’ve always been like this, but I’ve been fooling myself for too long.
Ten years, if we want to be honest.
I want to end with a thought:
some time ago, I happened to meet a “new woman”, to try something again, after the last time it happened with was Stefania, well yes, I write her name, by now I don’t think she cares anymore about so, rightly so.
What the fuck do you want him to care about me after all?
I’m more and more alone, but I feel less and less alone, now that I feel my presence as the greatest… what can I say? So I felt under an “obligation” to make myself happy, to satisfy my wishes…I’ve said it a million times that I still believe in loving her, yes…and I’ve decided that I’ll go on like this, perhaps until my death. to stay consistent with myself.
I’ve always apologized, I’ll do it again, I don’t know if you’ll read these things… but the speech isn’t dedicated directly to you.
But having met a “new woman”, I understood that I was finally “cured” from the previous … “madness”.
But thanks for everything, you too, I’ve often thought of you, I still do a little, but I know that this too has faded.
Happy new year to you, too.
Happy New Year to all those who have been part of it, in this 2022, even those who will not stay on my journey, on this train, on this ship…
But actually stay because I learned something from you, but it took a different form.
Well, see you on the other side…
Domenico, Matteo, Leo, Marco, Mattia, Rossella, Cecilia, Ale, Sandro, Moder, Murubutu, Sace, Adele, Giovanni, Chiara, Mammut, Achille, Gianluca…
Yes, I didn’t write all the names, but
As I said,
you are all there.
Goodbye, see you tomorrow.
Like on the record I’ve heard the most this year,
happy new year, Don Diegoh.