Tag: thoughts about life

Shades of gray.

giugno 30th, 2022
But then how do you want to keep filling in those gaps, you guys?

Each of us looks for his way: drinking, eating…. Some say geese want to “make money”. You know, these people make me really sad.

They giggle, as if they think I didn’t understand anything, in truth I understand very well, and they make me sad.

How do you need these things, ephemeral, actually?

Doesn’t it seem to me that they have content, or perhaps they have begun and continued to bury their insecurities under a flood of superficiality?

People without identity, without a face, anonymous, like many others.

Look at them, as they seem to enjoy life, dancing to music, they seem like many sheep to me.

They brainwashed us, they convinced men and women that to be happy you have to be one way, they still look for prince charming, they still want the utopia of perfection, and they will continue to live without ever being happy.

Or rather, perfection exists, but it is not as we imagine it. Life is made of shades of gray, perfection is subjective, but it’s not what we think it is.

There is never a right or wrong, everything is so fleeting, so manipulable by the way we live things, experiences … and like everything else, each affects each of us in a different way, as well as our way of reacting .

If there was ever a paradise, it could be that each of us has his own corner, with what would make him happy for all eternity.

We are all convinced that we must have things to be well, and maybe I do too, but in a much less materialistic way.

But they brainwashed us, now I look at who I loved, and I realize how much more like the one I despised now,

but I had come a little closer, beyond the smoke of this bullshit … in the end, people need to cling to false certainties.

What to say? Perhaps the desire to be rich is the most effective method of cheating death, yes… deceiving the concept we have of it.

And I want to get away from those who believe they understand the world.

Look at them: always closed in their pathetic microcosm, as they will most likely remain for life,

how sad.

Staying anchored to the same beliefs, poisoning their life and that of others as well. Masks, masks of pathetic conceit and makeup.

I’ll be a dreamer, a fool, a naive, a blunt,

but I am sure of living, and of doing it also in the right way.

Well, if you ever want to get out of that square where you dance, send me a message,

I will also be there when the city changes.

Think about changing the world, which needs to be saved.

Maybe they’re reakky haooy like this, I don’t know… but they just don’t seem like it.

You’re terrified so much to get caught up in a cage, but you’re already in one.

You built it yourself.

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No More Regrets.

giugno 15th, 2022
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It is nice to be able to tell me that it has now happened, even in the present, without thinking too much about it: “patience” …

It’s nice to be able to look back now and think that despite my life full of mistakes, a little bit of suffering and pain, in the end I can still say and affirm that it was rich.

Of course, I haven’t always done my best for my physical and mental health, with these nearly 33 years of drinking, eating, playing, singing, burning.

It’s nice to be able to slowly stop having second thoughts, to those who have understood us, or less.

It goes there. We are all lucky that people think about other things and not about you. Everyone thinks about their problems, and you learn to give a damn about what others may think, making continuous scorched earth between those who accept you and those who love you and those who reject you.

We go on, more and more forward, trying to go forward, know and conquer as many things as possible.

I thank myself, for my constant desire for something more, for this hunger, for this desire not to stay too long in one place, because then you risk becoming a statue, a shadow.

A great ambition, a desire to continue and never stop.

The desire to meet new people, because the old ones did not satisfy this hunger, the old ones did not make us feel good, and those who left left empty spaces to fill.

And to do that, you need to move on.

Maybe what we leave behind are just people unable to handle all this: even I once was not capable of it.

Today I find a friend that I once did not understand, that he was like me, a strong character, and I was much weaker, while today I find the key to being strong.

The rebirth process is something complicated, something that looks like it may soon pass, but the sensations you experience are not bruises.

The unanswered questions, the discomfort, the fact that to go on and stop suffering, you have to change your being, force yourself to stop loving someone, because in the end, you know: it’s not worth it.

Especially if this person is no longer there, and you can’t do anything about it.

But it is also nice to be able to think and say, even if “time has been wasted”, that it does nothing. That perhaps it was meant to be like this.

The wonderful ability to accept things as they went, without giving up hope and the desire to change them anyway.

With the hope of being able to seize the opportunity, should there be a second one.

But it’s time to go, to look for something else, someone else. It’s time to go, because in any case, nothing is forever.

Besides, they say that to truly love a person, you have to learn to let them go.

But they say a lot.

It’s time to go, no more worrying, let’s just take what we can and that’s it.

I’m glad to think so, and I’m also almost ready to say and think that anything, I would do it the same way, now that I still understand the value of everything.

After all, every defeat has always given something, I never leave empty-handed.

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What I think.

Maggio 31st, 2022
I am truly sorry for everything, for every involuntary harm that I have done, for having done you think I am something that I am not, for having done actions that have made me think that I am something I do not recognize myself in.

I don’t want to think about the past anymore, I want to get rid of many things, I want to start thinking about how to feel good, because alas, so many times, what I’m looking for and want is never there.

After all, who imposes on me this “duty” to improve myself? Is it just me who gives myself this weight, this ambition? I could really do like the others and not care, continue to be one way, never filing anything.

Since I seem to be the only jerk who wants to do it, the only jerk who apologizes, the only one who recognizes the wrong, but no one ever tells me: “Sorry, you’re right. I exaggerated”.

Maybe I’m really a big moron to want to allow all this, to become condescending to chase away the paranoia, to even stop thinking about all this.

Thinking: “It’s just a moment, it will pass. If I keep giving it rope, it will keep turning inside me. Bear. It will pass.”

It is becoming difficult to eat these bitter morsels, never being able to say what I would like, because people are sometimes heavy, especially when they get stuck.

Sometimes I really see that they cling to wanting to be right, they want this reason, they cling to it strongly.

By now, you know, I’ve learned that being right or wrong is of no use at all. Things don’t change, people don’t come back.

Besides, it’s always so subjective; everything must always be contextualized. If you think about it, you understand that everyone is right and wrong at the same time. It’s a stupid race where nobody ever wins.

In short, there is no objective reason. Only when it is said that everything belongs to both parties and not just one. It’s all on a scale.

What changes, after all? If I admit that I’m 100% wrong and say:

“Hi, I’m sorry for everything, I’m completely wrong.” The people I want to forgive me, will they? No.

Will they come back with open arms? No.

What’s the use of being right? Just to make us believe momentarily that we have an advantage over other people. Short illusion.

But I am always the jerk who takes it out in that place to continue to care for others and when you understand that they are too stubborn, he stops wanting to be heard and remains talking to himself, at least, I can listen to myself.

People, other people, everyone, are really hard to bear. And it’s really hard to bear and have patience for everything.

I would like to say: you are not the only ones to suffer. What you tell me makes me feel bad, and in the long run, makes me want to be without you.

Sometimes I run out of patience, sometimes, the burden on my heart becomes too much. I just want to be left alone.

Certain situations weigh me down and I don’t always see others worrying about how I am.

And to say that they tell me that I am a very selfish person… perhaps more than selfish I would like to see someone care for me as I care for them.

Oh yeah, I’m selfish.

In the end, I wonder what I think? When I ask myself, I understand that many of what others call “paranoia”, but in fact, they are worries, they arise precisely because I am afraid.

I care for other people, and I think about what to do to help them, to help me, to be well together.

When I argued with you, Stè (and sorry if I write half my name, but you know … I don’t think it matters anymore) I was worrying that something negative was happening and could happen. I was scared and worried.

I shouldn’t have thought about it too much, but if possible, try to put yourself in my shoes: how would you have reacted if they had told you all those things?

I didn’t want all these things, all these burdens on me, all these epithets: “selfish, paranoid, rational, irrational, maniac, stalker, rapist. Things would have gone on, no, you can’t “. I didn’t want them.

I wondered what I wanted, and you know, Ste and co? It was very simple: I just wanted to continue our transmission, our friendship, because that was really enough for me to feel good. It made me happy, happy to spend time with her, with them.

Really, I was happy even so, without expecting anything more. And that was how I wanted it to be resolved.

I started writing, because it was the only thing I had left. No friend has ever been able to help me as much as myself, as much as writing.

I worry, but I never want to hurt someone: indeed, it is precisely by worrying that I love them.

What did I want? Continue to cultivate a friendship, without pretensions. Laugh and joke together. And I still want it… even though they say you don’t deserve me. Maybe they’re right, but I don’t care.

And I am also learning that it does not matter whether you forgive or not: forgive, do not forget, but go on anyway, and continue to love, because you know that you are not capable of doing anything else.

Believe me, I was happy like that. I don’t know if someone bothers when others are happy, I am happy for others. I envy them because I would like to be too, but I’m not going to sabotage theirs. I am unbearable, you are unbearable. This is life, but we never stop loving and living. Forgive me for past, present and future mistakes, know that I will continue to make mistakes, as a human being. Maybe I’m a devil, who knows? Live happy, live in peace.

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You can find it all here:

Tag: thoughts about life

Shades of gray.

No More Regrets.

What I think.