I realized that I don’t fight to win, no. I don’t fight because I have to change things, I simply fight to resist, this world that tries to encompass us in its stubborn way of existing, in the midst of the beliefs that claim to be the only ones to exist.
I understand that I live and will live this infinite struggle, against everything I don’t like, but I will never do it to win, or rather, to convince.
This pain, this victory, exists for me, it belongs to me, no one else can ever understand better than me, myself and I.
Therefore, there is no single point of view of others in our lives, there is only “one, no one, one hundred thousand”, Pirandelliano.
So, in addition to the perception that others have of us, with many facets, but also the perception we have of ourselves that changes constantly, precisely due to the great variety of experiences we live, people we frequent, etc.
At least, for those who succeed, for those who want to interface with the differences that exist over time, it’s not that simple.
After all, the “comfort zone” is not necessarily the one in which you feel better, but it is the one you live for fear of change, it is quite different.
The fact is that many people find it difficult to accept and visualize change, it is so difficult to try to change the perception that others have of us, but it is more difficult, at the same time, easier, to change what we have of ourselves.
Anyway, my rebellious nature fights against everything, but I know I can’t win, everything is always bigger than me.
I really wish that the person I liked could talk to me again, tell her that she has been misunderstood, that she has an idea of me, totally wrong and contaminated.
I know, on the other hand, that one cannot fight against what cannot be changed. I fought for years for friendship, trying to help a friend who, in my opinion, needed to see things and himself differently.
I always thought he was mentally frozen at a time when he thought he was happy, and he never wanted to move from there.
There is the belief that things, that people don’t change, but they do it because they don’t want to, this is the only truth.
So there is nothing we can change or save, I cannot make that girl change her mind, nor can I help her, be close to her.
Friends, brothers, can help us, but in the end, it is always only we who are saved, inside and outside of us.
So I know that I continue to struggle, with nostalgia, with the lack I feel, I miss her, every day, many things.
And like I said, there is nothing I can do about it.
I can only offer you to go out, if you don’t make yourself heard, that’s it.
This does not mean that I stop caring, but it is, I put my feet on the ground, I write to express myself, and I thought that writing was about to change things.
Outside of us, I see it, no one understands the inner struggle we have every day, I, who always talk to me with me, trying not to make me worry, loving me and stopping being paranoid.
Outside, no one sees him, in fact.
I have always done my best to understand people, to be close to them, because I have always wanted to love.
I will never be okay with the fact that I no longer speak to those I love, and loved.
I’m never gonna be okay with the fact that I can’t help it,
and therefore, I fight, every day, against all of this, knowing that I cannot win.
It is a war of resistance.
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