Now I think it’s time to say things differently, it’s not always easy to rationalize, in the long run, however, you do it, at least that’s what I do.
Because? The reason is quickly explained: I never believe that I am right or wrong in its entirety, I have to learn, I have to understand why some things happen.
For example, I understand that my fixation / obsession with a person was not caused by him in himself, but by something previous.
Before I met the last one, I still had another in mind, in fact, it was almost over. However, the “new” only replaced the previous one, but the truth is that I had not properly treated the previous “disease”.
This is why I again had mechanisms, alas, partly also involuntary, which made me behave in similar ways, without my noticing it, I assumed that since I no longer thought about the person “from before”, I was out of danger .
But I was wrong. Because a disease has to be cured with medicines and I thought it would go away by itself, but sometimes, in that case, you don’t completely solve it.
In this period, I have quite intense otitis, for example. I had turned to two doctors who replaced mine, who thought I only had ear wax, but in reality there was an infection.
And if I hadn’t gone to get a cleaning of the earwax plug, and had continued to take the drops said by the two amateurs, I would have continued to feel bad, the young ENT there caught my infection and told me what to take, and now I’m a little better.
It was one of the worst pains I’ve ever experienced, but you see, if I hadn’t thought about it, I wouldn’t be on the path to healing now.
And before now I had not realized that the treatment was not exactly what I imagined: of course, the best thing to do, and I am deeply convinced, would be to rebuild a relationship, to forgive each other, to make peace, after the arguments, but this I guess it’s secondary to looking inward.
If we are our disease, we can become our cure, our medicine.
So if you realize that you are continuing to think about the same thing, despite the rationalizations, if you realize that you are continuing to give importance to the things that do not deserve them … it is something that starts with you.
And it is part of t and, consequently.
And what’s the cure? Did you think it was finding a way to talk to who you had a fight with? Well, yes, too bad they don’t allow it.
So what? There is nothing left to do but search within, and knowing that you must and can move forward using the lessons learned, you can become a better person.
And I only have one certainty, that now I could really build a relationship with who I have quarreled, as I know it will, most likely, never happen.
But now I have the tools, now I feel like I am becoming more “myself” than ever. And I understand that I am much more rational than I have ever been before, other than she is a “Very rational”. It was easy to think of it in a moment of emotional fragility, but now well, I think I win in the long run.
There is no rationality if people do not think objectively, if they do not analyze, if they exclude you, they get angry and throw you out of their life, without even hearing yours, without giving you the opportunity to defend yourself.
There is no rationality, because, quite simply, there is no reason and obviously, one thing cannot exclude another.
In my opinion, I do not see any rationality, but a different form of bullying, discrediting, in fact, my opinions and thoughts, thinking that they are just bullshit.
Because they disagreed or thought there was no specific “reason” to behave in a way, they not only told me I was badly wrong, but they also discredited my thoughts and feelings, as if they were nothing .
For them, that’s for sure, but well, I see no difference between them and a bunch of bullies who make fun of me, and maybe even kick me afterwards.
Verbal violence, endowed with a brutality equal to the physical one.
And with all the responsibility and awareness of being wrong that I take. huh. But I have already said in numerous other places that I am sorry and I am sorry, I am aware of my mistakes.
In short, I have played the role of the outcast for the umpteenth time in my life, maybe I should stop trying to stop being one and take on this role once and for all.
And well, basically I told myself that there is nothing better than doing things for me, like, in fact, heal myself, forgive … many years ago I hadn’t thought in the slightest about getting better, looking for a cure, now I’m finally doing it doing.
Who knows, if now … then, will it be different? AHAHAHAH … But a little peace is found, I would also like a different reward from the one I found from myself.