Freedom – A masturbation’ story.

Maybe I will be a bit exaggerated this time, perhaps excessively sincere, as often happens to me even in the so-called “real life”.

There will be very little poetry, as often happens, when we speak of truth, but it is right to speak of it, when we are “enlightened” by something.

 Speaking of light, in a book that I am reading lately, it refers to how to be free, we must take possession of our darkness, of our darkness, of that side that only we are able to understand.

That beautiful side that we keep hidden, in which we can say and think what we want, without consequences, even the darkest thoughts, because as someone says, it is precisely by knowing and seeing them that you prevent them from happening in reality.

Here, now that I realize that you can not expect anything from anyone, force any love, expect others to behave according to your vision of things is wrong, here.

Do you behave well with someone, but do you expect them to reciprocate? It is not obvious. Indeed, your wanting people to behave the way you want them away.

You don’t let people, women, free to choose. Alas, I know a lot by now.

You understand why certain things happen, why we are rejected, and we are here damning our souls, hoping, demanding, but we are not really that important.

Example: you avoid putting “like” and seeing someone’s stories, thinking that you will hit them, but this is presumption.

As if you really are so important that it affects a person’s day, which will go on just fine even without you, without these things.

We are not as special as we think we are: we should definitely get off the pedestal we think we stand on.

The woman you think she will be sorry, she will not, she will not give the same weight to the thing that you give. And you don’t even realize this, because, alas, you are partly making the same mistake that I also did in a yes, unconscious way: you think you know what the other person thinks.

Yet then it becomes clear that the indifference it reserves is the answer to your damnations.

So you get it, you’re not that important, and that’s not how you become.

Then in life, however, everything withers, everything passes.

I wake up every day, and anyway as soon as I do, I always think about the same person.

I know I can’t do anything about it, I get up, do the usual things, and well, now for those who might be more sensitive, I’ll go into more “gory” details.

It happens to me, at some point in the day, to banish the thought of her, often I have, well, masturbated thinking of her.

Lately, however, I realized that my desire has run out, so when I have to vent my lack of … love (and well, yes, more), I use other means.

So, without even noticing it, after doing it for a long time, perhaps also due to habit, it passes.

You make one, then you notice that it even bores you a little, it is no longer exciting, it is no longer exciting.

Yes, in short, finally, a bit of freedom, nice, right?

Too bad it wasn’t such a simple thing, on the contrary … but we’ve already talked about it.

Funny how I think that now, in the light of these things, I just don’t know what to do with this person in case… I always take it for granted that it ended there and it is very likely that it is.

Like 99.99999999999999999999999999%, stuff that only a miracle, or apparent one, could change.

But I have to admit that as always, I’d be curious to see what I’d do if that happens. I like the unexpected, they are the ones that make me feel more alive.

Anyway, I close by thanking and in my own way, saying “goodbye” to S ****. Things may not have gone as I hoped, but now, paradoxically, I have all the tools I need to make it all work.

Thank you, S.

– Paolone.


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