33 years on the run, and looking for pussy, never completing either.
You shouldn’t run away, but I certainly still want to go away, to change the air, to leave Lamezia. However, in recent times, it is not so bad.
Maybe now, like it or not, I have grown up. Especially in recent times I have realized many things …
I suffered a little badly, I suffered a little, and it was precisely those things that opened my eyes.
Eyes bright with tears, in a time I’ve been through, lost in tangles of thoughts, full of love, anger, pain and the inability to understand things.
But, after unraveling every cable of the tangle, I finally woke up and began to understand, I began to understand the rules of life, and how many of them cannot be escaped.
Basically I know well that I was wrong, that I tried to confront those who were not able to understand me, and I lost time and I too am lost.
“I could have lost myself and I did, unfortunately”.
How many times have I done it? Yet, right now, at this age, finally, I feel I have instead found myself, “reaping the best of me”.
To want to avoid those who want to make you feel guilty, to want to stop suffering for what you cannot change, and move on, and take what you can.
I wasted time dealing with things that didn’t matter, that had very little substance, being afraid of what doesn’t matter.
If you are afraid of losing someone, you will lose them, if someone does not have this fear, at the same time, it will mean that you will not have been so important.
Whoever gets lost in infinitely solvable things, in short… that’s how it is.
I still hope that S will come back, I beg you a little longer, but I know that I have moved on and I am living even without what I want, life seems to be disconnected from the actions we try to do to change it.
It really feels like grains of sand against the current of a river.
Yes, you try to keep yourself in a way, but if you are like me and you stop and think, you think about your life, you think about mistakes, you think: “why am I dissatisfied, unhappy?”
I often thought it was the fault of the fact that I did not have a job, a woman … but the truth is as they say: you cannot depend on others.
You have to accept yourself, love yourself unconditionally.
Despite all the flaws and bullshit that are done, in the end there is absolutely no point in brooding or blaming oneself.
Someone told me that I had to be strict with myself, there was never a worse advice, because someone had thought I was a lazy one, mistaking me for what I am not; a spoiled child.
It is quite another, however: they had to tell me and teach me to love me, to someone who has always had problems with self-esteem, but it doesn’t matter: I was able to do it alone, daje.
What are we left with, what can life still take away from us? Mah.
On the one hand, I didn’t understand a shit, on the other, I understood myself, life was perhaps too complicated.
33 (Book of Marco Ubertini)
33 “l’anni i cristu!” (jesus’ years)
And I always had the feeling, that for me, this age, it would be revolutionary.
And yes, today’s my birthday