What should I do, after all? What would my job be here? It seems that God or whoever for him wants to reiterate some concepts.
I have to do with things that I don’t like, where there is no love, the exchange of a feeling, it is always easier to manage our emotions.
We clash with those who have excessive exuberance towards us. I wonder why I should continue to feel uncomfortable.
<< God, look, I’ve learned my lesson. There is no need to reiterate the concepts, sending people I don’t like. And then they are totally different situations, I didn’t behave in the same way.
You know, far too many people should be thankful if I’m someone who doesn’t treat others badly, even when I’m particularly annoyed.
Holy God, stop putting their hands in my face, having unnecessarily kind and caring attitudes, as if they are talking to someone who is unable to take care of himself.
And if I don’t have it for some things, never mind. I’ll be wrong and learn to correct myself, I don’t need anyone.
I don’t want to need anyone but myself. >>
The situations I experienced have changed me. Perhaps I have become what I myself denied and despised.
Maybe I’m the “cynical and rational” now. And I’m also the one who doesn’t care about these things.
Because I’m tired.
I know I don’t feel like I used to, I know I don’t even want to think. The paranoia I chase them away faster and faster. I don’t want trouble.
So if someone breaks my balls I tell them, I present it to them with words and non-verbal language.
In short, stay away from me, because I don’t care, and take less confidence, you don’t know me. You already love me, but I don’t want you yet.
The problem is that these thoughts are the same that, apparently, other people have had towards me. So I wonder what the right thing to do is.
It is hypocritical of me to behave and think like someone who has done wrong with me, I would never want to be brought to the point of having to piss me off with those who, in the end, do not seem to be ill-intentioned.
In fact, if I have to be pushed to do so, I will always use a polite, rational approach, without accusing, without threatening, without “denouncing”.
I will always be convinced that there is a better way to resolve things: I, always convinced that dialogue is the best way.
However, I will distance myself from those who cause me problems.
The more time passes, the more I understand that now there is less and less heart, even less brain. In me instinct, corporeality, the desire to live normally, without stopping to ruminate are predominating.
Instead of thinking, I just do it, and if someone doesn’t like it, fuck it. What do I care? I will not stay here to live in the imprisonment of those who want me to be satisfied, putting myself with those I don’t like, therefore, condemning myself to a life of suffering that I would inflict on myself.
I prefer to spend the rest of my days fucking myself, and / or alone, rather than being with someone I don’t want. It’s clear?
They bombarded me with their thoughts of how I should live in general. My emotions, my life, my way of thinking.
They practically tried to imprison me, telling me that I had to be more strict with myself, where they had to teach me to love myself.
And it is thanks to these ways of doing that or understood, I succeeded, I matured and I got rid of all these toxic presences.
By now I have reached my autonomy of thought, I will not live prey to others and what they want.
I suffered a lot, but I have to thank these people, this way of doing things, if I have evolved, if I have changed. And I won’t have done it for nothing or to go back and put myself in the hands of those who put theirs on my face, without permission.
I didn’t think about one issue for a long time, only to find myself on the other side.
The same love that I was giving, that I would have liked to give to a person, now I have turned it towards those who really love me, and therefore, above all, towards myself.
So there is no way that I ever do what makes me unhappy, spending time wondering if someone likes me, breaking my balls, always looking for confirmation as I have in the past.
Those parts of me are dead.
I know that now, paradoxically, I find the character of the people who rejected me much more attractive, now perhaps we would be much more compatible.
One wonders if now, however, not having the same passion, I could fall in love with her.
Always too early or too late … what I know, there are those who love, do not judge, do not accuse. If there are problems, always look for a reasonable way, as mentioned before, to solve things.
Or as someone who has manipulated other people, dictating ways to behave. Yes, in short, you and I are victims of the same thing. It will continue to deny forever.
But thanks to my experiences and friends I now know the truth.
I will continue to move forward.
Who knows who will ever stay at my footsteps?
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