After all, the concept of love is somewhat overestimated, even that of friendship. When you have realized that you have wanted something too much, consider it as the solution to every problem, the repair of every failure … well, maybe you have relied, too long, on things that have disappointed you, repeatedly.

I believe that, at a certain point, one also needs to have the wisdom to know how to give up things, to be alone, to find oneself, to be reborn, after being lost.

After all, what was the evil?

I had covid, for a couple of days, intense malaise. Now that it has passed me, I have the feeling that I am fine, some old thoughts and feelings that I had long lost, have suddenly returned.

What have I recovered from, then? Only from an illness, or even from what has held me back for a long time?

Desiring leads nowhere, if there is no way to make it happen.

In life, perhaps, one should not give a specific priority to just one thing, but everything matters, Now, I wonder, if, after all, wanting too much for something is equivalent to giving it too much power, relying too much on it, no ?

Possessed by a desire to do, to study, to work … and then you get stressed. Necessity and desire devour you inside.

Then, you stop and wake up, no longer having that fixation, that obsession, that desire.

Not having those people in mind anymore, with all the bullshit that has passed.

The further I go, the more I hear stories and bullshit repeating themselves, and these are things that I am becoming apathetic to, as I need a lot more to keep going.

I need faith, trust, and commitment.

I fail an exam, but I passed the most difficult one, and with more college credit. I take it, because I wanted to pass both of them, but I never stop.

And that’s where we start again: from the desire to do it. You start all over yourself, from your own home, literally. Many see isolation as something negative, I am rediscovering and rediscovering myself, and I am noticing that I am fine.

And I find my stillness, my balance, and I willingly let myself be lulled by it, my sleep becomes more and more sweet, I relax my nerves, without having this crazy rush.

Maybe things will really come when one least expects them, who knows.

We are not always the ones who decide, maybe it is right to live, and see what you want to appear, working on what you can really change.

I am finding pieces of myself that I thought were long lost.

And all this, because I decided to be better, to become better, not to do like the others, prey to instincts, prejudices, hatred and various bullshit, because too afraid of the truth, too cowardly to face situations face to face, covering up behind whatsapp messages, or blocks.

I never hit first, I’m a bit like Myagi-do, but fearless, like Cobra Kai.

I will remain the one-eyed in the world of the blind, the honest in the world of shit, the sincere in the world of fakes who stab you in the back, and who knows what the fuck they say.

And here we are, always fucking a little bit of everyone, since they are all in a hurry to ruin the life of those who try to do the best of him, indeed, they do.

These are the stuff of eighth grade kids, and I am now disillusioned and disheartened towards this humanity, seeing more and more often, that no one does but the most reasonable or mature thing to solve situations, they all run away, as if I were really behind them, with the scythe of death in hand.

It is very scary, you know, when you try to do the right thing.

But people are unable to understand this, because it is always easier and better to believe in false things than in true ones.

Do you say you love someone? It is clear that it is a “lie”, they think. Love doesn’t exist, right?

But anyway I … every time I start again. So, there is never something that really scares me, because I know I am stronger than many, because I have never let myself be screwed by life, becoming something different from me, to hide my frailties.

Nobody ever has the guts to leave the house so “naked”, trust me.

Often they tell me to be careful, but they still haven’t figured out who the fuck they’re talking to here, I know a lot of things suck outside, but I’m always facing everything, with my head fucking high.